yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize