how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Randomize
