Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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