i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
