I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
