can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
