mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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