I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Operation Purity has been aborted
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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