You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
