He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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