I just cut my nipple shaving
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
