i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
