Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
