The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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