Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
