I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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