This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
