I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize