Michael Bay diarrhea
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are two peas in an std pod
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
