Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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