THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
