ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
