batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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