this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
