does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
now i know why i became what i already was.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
