I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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