About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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