I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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