like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
