There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There r osticjed everywhere
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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