I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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