I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
