she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
