Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
