i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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