if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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