I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
