There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
