Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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