We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
