made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize