as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
