i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
