Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
