Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
