No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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