i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
