I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
