so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
