After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
