You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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