Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize