don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
