i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
