Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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