Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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