im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
