Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
