worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
