Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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