just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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