OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
