then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
