If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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