he shaved USA in his pubs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
