I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
