just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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