you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
