Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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