I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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