so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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