I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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