Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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