it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize