god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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