You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They are going to name an STD after you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
