i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
