Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
