Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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