he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
