why didn't you poke me back
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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