paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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