i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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