I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize