so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
