Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
