using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
