so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
