Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
