you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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