what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
