can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize