If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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