i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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