I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
