im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
