Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
