Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
