Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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