the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
