sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
