a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
