I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize