I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How naked do you want me to be?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
