I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
