so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
