She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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